foxes and hedgehogs

I can hardly believe it, but I have even more good news. When I last spoke with our representative at our adoption agency, I pressed her to give me an idea of when she thought we might receive a referral. Of course, she explained that she didn't know for sure, but she thought maybe within the next couple of months. Then on friday we got a group email update from her stating that they expect formal referrals within the next couple of weeks! I can hardly believe. And it's kind of weird to be experiencing this, but I'm feeling kind of panicked ... ?! Maybe it's because I feel like I have soo much to do!

We've had some good news with regard to the adoption process. Our agency called us today and told us that the Vietnamese government has approved our papers and has sent them on to the provincial level. Next, the Provence (Quang Binh in central Vietnam) works with the child placement service to locate a baby for us in an orphanage in that provence. Eventually we'll get a picture (I think) and a report on the baby.

I am so excited and relieved. After weeks of waiting for this approval or any word from the government, I was getting worried that the government would continue to stall for months.

It's beginning to feel like this is really happening. After so many years of longing for a baby, it's hard to believe that I will someday be holding ours in my arms. And it feels so amazing to have some concrete details -- to know that our baby has been born and is living in Quang Binh and will soon be matched with us. I keep day dreaming about what she is doing at a given moment. Right now, I think she's sleeping since it's 9pm there. I feel so happy!

I treated her to a pair of slippers yesterday.

Every year for the last 5 years I've hoped to be celebrating this year as a new mother. Unfortunately, this year is also not the year for me. It's so depressing to me to have these milestones come and go and feel like they could come and go again next year. All the while, other people get pregnant, have kids, and their lives move on.

This weekend an old friend of mine had a baby shower which I was unable to attend. Secretly, I was a little relieved to not have to go. When I was going through my IVF treatments and being tortured by infertility, baby showers were the devil for me. I attended one and had to hold back the tears for 3 hours and then drove home sobbing. I eventually stopped attending them for fear that the shower would turn out to be a pity fest for the girl in the corner crying (me) rather than a celebration about the new mother. But now that I'm adopting, I think I could probably attend a baby shower again and feel happy for the mother to be without nearly passing out from my own grief. However, I'm still a little nervous about giving it a go. I think it may take a while for my baby shower hangover to wear off.

So... When I start to feel tired of being miserable over things like this, I try and remember what I have to be grateful for. It usually works like a charm. Obviously, this being mother's day, I'm forever grateful for my mom and my mother in law. They are fabulous women and I are lucky to have them in my life.

This is a photo of my husband and I on our trip to South America last December. We had a great time. We had just decided to adopt and for the first time in years, felt a huge sense of relief and happiness. It was heaven!

Del, the moderator, on one of my Yahoo groups posted today something about today being another day. I read that first thing when I woke up and was happy to be reminded of it. Yesterday, I got some disappointing news about our adoption. Our agency told us that the commitment of periodical update form we submitted to them a week an a half ago was finally on it's way to Vietnam to be translated and then submitted to the IAD. This means that most likely the IAD has put a 2-3 week hold on our dossier until that final document comes in. UGH. I'm trying not to let it get me down and instead focus on something that I actually do something about such as our kitchen remodel.

Yesterday, I also spent the day picking up samples of tiles and flooring for our new kitchen. Today my friend Megan from Curb Appeal is going to come by and help me sort out the layout of our new kitchen as well as select tiles, flooring, AND help me pick out a wall color for the baby's room and fabrics for the bedding, and upholstery. I'm super excited and a little nervous because I don't have all my samples together to show her.

In the meantime, here is a photo I tore out of a magazine a few years back because I LOOOOVED it so much. And a few years later, I still love it. It's my inspiration for my new kitchen. Course, I certainly don't have that much room to work with, but I love the colors and finishing touches.

Today is another day, right? It's going to be a good one and I'll just have to remind myself that our baby is going to be coming home someday soon.

Ok, here we go! My first post!! I've been thinking about starting a blog for a while
and I read on someone's blog that they feel like blogging has helped them organize
their thoughts so that was the catalyst.

We have decided to remodel our kitchen. We are desperate to have it done before
we adopt our baby. So this week I am going to try and finalize the architect's drawings
and pick out some of the other details like tile, flooring, etc. Deep breath.

I've been thinking about this for a while so it shouldn't be too hard.